Current Political Humor
See Pat In Action
Here are a few samples of humor I'm currently using or have used in the past. This humor gets updated, so bookmark this page and check back frequently. All humor is based on decisions people make. I never use humor that is based on things people DON'T choose such as gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, mental capacity, physical appearance, etc.
Updated. October 14, 2024
Joe BIden had asked the American voters for four more years. Perhaps he should be asking God for four more years.
Donald Trump is running around the country for political rallies, It's nice to see he is crossing state lines while he still can.
Criticism continues to "hound" South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem after she wrote in her book she shot her dog.
Prior to Biden dropping out, a notice recently posted in a downtown DC office says, "Given both candidates in the upcoming presidential election, the prohibition on crying at your desk is suspended."
An Air Force pilot ejected from an 80 million dollar F-35 and for it took the Air Force days to find the plane. Perhaps for $80 million, it could include a $25.00 Apple air tag.
Former NJ Governor Chris Christie ran for President again. This proves once again that the only true cure for Presidential ambition is embalming fluid.
In baseball, three strike and you're out. Donald Trump thinks four indictments means re-election.
It was once thought that Russia had the 2nd most powerful army in the world. Now it is thought that Russia has the 2nd most powerful army in Ukraine.
There a dramatic shortages of teachers, police and boarder agents and the government thinks hiring 8,000 new IRS agents is the answer
The courts say no one is above the law, it appears illegal immigrants are
Texas Governor Greg Abbot is serious about controlling the border with Mexico. I just called his office the recording I got was "Press 1 for English, press 2 for English and press 3 for English."
FL Governor Ron Desantis is running for President. I wonder if picking a fight with Mickey Mouse a good strategy ?
In France, there are riots because the retirement age is being raised from 62 to 64. Here in America, an 80 year old man is asking us to
re-elect him so he can be President until he is 86.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is in hot water these days. However, the hot water is in a Jacuzzi at an upscale resort
The arrest of Donald Trump went pretty much as planned except when Trump was surprised he had the right to remain silent.
Parents, remember to check your children's backpacks when they get home for school for half eaten sandwiches, communications from the school, classified documents, etc.
Perhaps people should resign from Congress in the order they make inaccurate statements about their resume. That means George Santos will resign after Sen. Richard Blumenthal, Conn and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Mass resign. Why are people allowed to get away with exaggerated claims? Just use the internet that Al Gore invented to check facts. Oh Wait...
Governors Abbot of TX and DeSantis of FL sent illegal immigrants to the cute and quint island of Martha's Vineyard at the height of the leaf season. Boy, that's the way to discourage future illegal immigration.
* The Supreme Court decision to allow each state to decide if abortion is available is considered a"win" by the pro-life movement and a "loss" for the pro-choice movement. One group we know that considers it a "win" is vasectomy doctors.
Former Congresswoman Liz Cheney of Wyoming says she has no hard feelings against Republican leader Kevin McCarthy after he forced her out of the Republican House Leadership and then out of Congress. However, she did ask her father to take McCarthy hunting.
N.J. Governor Phil Murphy is offering free beer to people who get the Covid vaccine. That is not new, in college we had a name for that, "A shot and a beer."
*
Of course, it is unfortunate that Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced. However, this means she no longer has to hide her MacBook.
When President Biden addressed a joint session of Congress it was the first time in four years Nancy Pelosi did not want to use her Speaker's gavel to bang the President in the back of the head
Updated. October 14, 2024
Joe BIden had asked the American voters for four more years. Perhaps he should be asking God for four more years.
Donald Trump is running around the country for political rallies, It's nice to see he is crossing state lines while he still can.
Criticism continues to "hound" South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem after she wrote in her book she shot her dog.
Prior to Biden dropping out, a notice recently posted in a downtown DC office says, "Given both candidates in the upcoming presidential election, the prohibition on crying at your desk is suspended."
An Air Force pilot ejected from an 80 million dollar F-35 and for it took the Air Force days to find the plane. Perhaps for $80 million, it could include a $25.00 Apple air tag.
Former NJ Governor Chris Christie ran for President again. This proves once again that the only true cure for Presidential ambition is embalming fluid.
In baseball, three strike and you're out. Donald Trump thinks four indictments means re-election.
It was once thought that Russia had the 2nd most powerful army in the world. Now it is thought that Russia has the 2nd most powerful army in Ukraine.
There a dramatic shortages of teachers, police and boarder agents and the government thinks hiring 8,000 new IRS agents is the answer
The courts say no one is above the law, it appears illegal immigrants are
Texas Governor Greg Abbot is serious about controlling the border with Mexico. I just called his office the recording I got was "Press 1 for English, press 2 for English and press 3 for English."
FL Governor Ron Desantis is running for President. I wonder if picking a fight with Mickey Mouse a good strategy ?
In France, there are riots because the retirement age is being raised from 62 to 64. Here in America, an 80 year old man is asking us to
re-elect him so he can be President until he is 86.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is in hot water these days. However, the hot water is in a Jacuzzi at an upscale resort
The arrest of Donald Trump went pretty much as planned except when Trump was surprised he had the right to remain silent.
Parents, remember to check your children's backpacks when they get home for school for half eaten sandwiches, communications from the school, classified documents, etc.
Perhaps people should resign from Congress in the order they make inaccurate statements about their resume. That means George Santos will resign after Sen. Richard Blumenthal, Conn and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Mass resign. Why are people allowed to get away with exaggerated claims? Just use the internet that Al Gore invented to check facts. Oh Wait...
Governors Abbot of TX and DeSantis of FL sent illegal immigrants to the cute and quint island of Martha's Vineyard at the height of the leaf season. Boy, that's the way to discourage future illegal immigration.
* The Supreme Court decision to allow each state to decide if abortion is available is considered a"win" by the pro-life movement and a "loss" for the pro-choice movement. One group we know that considers it a "win" is vasectomy doctors.
Former Congresswoman Liz Cheney of Wyoming says she has no hard feelings against Republican leader Kevin McCarthy after he forced her out of the Republican House Leadership and then out of Congress. However, she did ask her father to take McCarthy hunting.
N.J. Governor Phil Murphy is offering free beer to people who get the Covid vaccine. That is not new, in college we had a name for that, "A shot and a beer."
*
Of course, it is unfortunate that Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced. However, this means she no longer has to hide her MacBook.
When President Biden addressed a joint session of Congress it was the first time in four years Nancy Pelosi did not want to use her Speaker's gavel to bang the President in the back of the head
- Former NY Governor Mario Cuomo promised to NEVER sexually harass women without wearing a mask.
- While walking in downtown Washington, DC on January 19th, I saw a long line of people. Wanting to get my Covid vaccine too, I joined the line. I asked the person next to me if there would be enough vaccine for everyone in line. He replied, "This is not a line for vaccine, the White House is around the corner, this is the line for pardons."
- Joe Biden's injured his foot while playing with is dog Major. Now that Biden is the Commander in Chief, Major has been demoted to Captain. Joe Biden had a hairline fracture in his right foot. He always wanted a hairline that is actually his.
- Donald Trump says he will run again in 2024. He'll be 78 in 2024, we are not going to elect a 78 year old. What a minute, never mind.
- Trump held a political rally in Las Vegas with no social distancing and no face covering requirment. As a result, the giant fountain at the Bellagio Hotel is now using disinfectant rather than water.
- Bob Woodward's new book says Woodward knew months ago that Trump knew how deadly Covid 19 is. However, Woodward did not release this information until his book came out. I hope Woodward never interviews a someone discovers the cure for cancer for a book.
- Responding to the Covid 19 pandemic, former President Trump signed several executive orders including one that prohibits evictions. I think that was so he could continue living the White House if he loses the election.
- This is Joe Biden's third run for the Presidency. Hillary ran twice, Dole ran twice, Harold Stassan ran 10 times etc. This proves that the only real cure for Presidential ambitions is embalming fluid.
- President Trump said Covid 19 has created more problems for him than the Civil War did for Abe Lincoln. I don't anybody who is alive can say he has more problems that Lincoln.
- Think of all the time we wasted learning how to pronounce and spell Buttigieg.I was talking with a voter the other day and asked if she voted for Hillary in 2016. She said, "No, I was afraid if Congress cheated on her, she would look the other way."
- Hillary Clinton says that "many people" were asking her to run for President again. However, almost all of them are Republicans
- If far left Presidential candidates like Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren had been elected, the first Executive Order should be to tell the Secretary of Agriculture to plant lots and lots of money trees everywhere. Those trees will pay for all the free stuff those candidates want to give away
- Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is in trouble for appearing in black-face. Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is in trouble because she pretended to be red-faced.
- Utah Senator Mitt Romney is the only one who has been elected to public office in every state were he owns a home.
- Democrats do not want a wall on the border or Voter ID. Hmmm, is there is a connection?
- A Latino customer and his family walk into a bookstore and says, "Do you have President Trump's new book about illegal immigration?" The bookstore owner says, "You and your people get out and stay out!" The customer says, "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"
- The Florida legislature has passed a law allowing school teachers to be armed, this includes Librarians. Since the passage of that law, talking in school libraries has gone down 99%.
- A woman was escorted out of the CPAC meeting for booing and harassing Donald Trump. Melanie should really learn to take care of these things at home.
- Effective 1/1/18, recreational Marijuana is now legal in California. Previously, only medical Marijuana was available. It is amazing that on News Years Day, millions of cases of insomnia, nausea and other maladies in California were cured.
- Hillary Clinton's book is titled, "What happened." That is the censored version of the title.
- Before he married Michelle, Barack Obama proposed to a former girlfriend who turned him down. She did not think he had a promising future career. She was correct, right now Obama is in his mid 50s and unemployed guy.
- All of Donald Trump's wives are immigrants to this country, which proves there are some jobs that Americans simply won't do.
- One of the 17 Republican candidates running for President was former FL Governor Jeb Bush. His father was President and his brother was President. So, Jeb Bush running for President is the Bush family version of no child left behind.
- It will be a few years before the Barack Obama Library and Museum will be built to celebrate Obama's Presidential achievements. Until then, we'll have to rely on MSNBC.
- The White House Chief Usher said he is sorry Hillary did not win the Presidency, saying "If she and Bill had moved back in, maybe they would have returned the furniture they took with them when they moved out."
“Your wonderful combination of content and humor entertained, informed and empowered my members, thanks.”
Jan Hartman, National Assn. of Insurance and Financial Advisors, PA
Jan Hartman, National Assn. of Insurance and Financial Advisors, PA
