Current Political Humor

See Pat In Action

Here are a few samples of humor I'm currently using.  This humor gets updated, so bookmark this page and check back frequently.  All humor is based on bad decisions people make.  I never use humor that is based on things people don't choose such as gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, mental capacity, physical appearance, etc.

Updated. 5/10/21
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*          N.J. Governor Phil Murphy is offering freee beer to people who get the Covid vaccine.   That is not new, in college we had a name for that,  "A shot and a beer."
*            Of course, it is unfortunate that Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced.  However, this means she no longer has to hide her MacBook. 
President Biden addressed a joint session of Congress on 4/30.  It will the first time in four years Nancy Pelosi did not want to use her        Speaker's gavel to bang the President in the back of the head.
  • President Biden said all U.S. troops will leave Afghanistan by September 11th this year.  Those service members will be thrilled to leave a war zone but will arrive home and say,  "Why are all the restaurants closed."
  • NY Governor Mario Cuomo has promised to NEVER sexually harass women without wearing a mask.
  • After the big storm, Texas is slowly returning to normal, most people now have power and hot water.  Except for Sen. Ted Cruz who was always in hot water.
  • Donald Trump faced his 2nd impeachment trial in the Senate with incompetent attorneys.  That was better than being represented  by Rudy Giuliani
  • While walking in downtown Washington, DC on January 19th, I saw a long line of people.  Wanting to get my Covid vaccine too, I joined the line.  I asked the person next to me if there would be enough vaccine for everyone in line.  He replied,  "This is not a line for vaccine,  the White House is around the corner, this is the line for pardons."
  • Joe Biden's injured his foot while playing with is dog Major.  Now that Biden is the Commander in Chief,  Major has been demoted to Captain.
  • Joe Biden has a hairline fracture in his right foot.  He always wanted a hairline that is actually his.
  • Donald Trump says he will run again in 2024.  He'll be 78 in 2024, we are not going to elect a 78 year old.  What a minute, never mind.
  • Now that the political ads have stopped, we can now watch TV without our mud flaps.
  • President Trump figured it was OK to return to the White House while he was still infected because everyone at the White House was already infected.
  • Trump held a political rally in Las Vegas with no social distancing and no face covering requirment.  As a result, the giant fountain at the Bellagio Hotel is now using disinfectant rather than water.
  •  Bob Woodward's new book says Woodward knows months ago that Trump knew how deadly Covid 19 is.  However, Woodward did not release this information until his book came out. I hope Woodward never interviews a someone working on the cure for cancer for a book.
  • Responding to the Covid 19 pandemic, President Trump has signed several executive orders including one that prohibits evictions.  I wonder if that will include him living  the White House if he loses the election. 
  • This is Joe Biden's third run for the Presidency.   Hillary ran twice, Dole ran twice, Harold Stassan ran 10 times etc.  This proves that the only real cure  for Presidential ambitions is embalming fluid.
  • President Trump said  Covid 19 has created more problems for him than the Civil War did for Abe Lincoln.  I don't anybody who is alive can say he has more problems that Lincoln.
  • Think of all the time we wasted  learning how to pronounce and spell Buttigieg.
  • Donald Trump really wants to win Illinois in the November general election, but I don't think the two votes he is going to get from Rod Blagojevich and his wife will put him over the top.
  • Several candidates in the Iowa Caucuses claimed victory stating the "majority of the precincts" have reported in.  That is like the San Francisco 49ers claiming victory after the third quarter of the Super bowl saying, "we are the winner because the majority of quarters are over."
  • It took 8 people to walk the 9 pages of Impeachment papers from the House, across the Capitol to the Senate.  No wonder people feel government is bloated and inefficient. 
  • I was talking with a voter the other day and asked if she voted for Hillary in 2016.  She said, "No, I was afraid if Congress cheated on her, she would look the other way."
  • Hillary Clinton says that "many people" are asking her to run for President again.  However, almost all of them are Republicans
  • If far left Presidential candidates like Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren had been  elected, the first Executive Order should be to tell the Secretary of Agriculture to plant lots and lots of money trees everywhere.  Those trees will pay for all the free stuff those candidates want to give away
  • Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is in trouble for appearing in black-face.  Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is in trouble because she pretended to be red-faced.
  • Utah Senator Mitt Romney is the only one who has been elected to public office in every state were he owns a home.
  • Democrats do not want a wall on the border or Voter ID.   Hmmm, is there is a connection?
  • A Latino customer and his family walk into a bookstore and says, "Do you have President Trump's new book about illegal immigration?"  The bookstore owner says,  "You and your people get out and stay out!"  The customer says,  "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"
  • The Florida legislature has passed a law allowing school teachers to be armed, this includes Librarians.  Since the passage of that law, talking in school libraries has gone down 99%.
  • A woman was escorted out of the CPAC meeting for booing and harassing Donald Trump.  Melanie should really learn to take care of these things at home.
  • Effective 1/1/18, recreational Marijuana is now legal in California.  Previously, only medical Marijuana was available.  It is amazing that on News Years Day, millions of cases of insomnia, nausea and other maladies in California were cured.
  • Hillary Clinton's book is titled, "What happened."  That is the censored version of the title.  
  • Before he married Michelle, Barack Obama proposed to a former girlfriend who turned him down.  She did not think he had a promising future career.  She was correct, right now Obama is in his mid 50s and unemployed guy.
  • All of Donald Trump's wives are immigrants to this country, which proves there are some jobs that Americans simply won't do.
  • One of the 17 Republican candidates running for President was former FL Governor Jeb Bush.  His father was President and his brother was President.  So, Jeb Bush running for President is the Bush family version of no child left behind.
  • It will be a few years before the Barack Obama Library and Museum will be built to celebrate Obama's Presidential achievements.  Until then, we'll have to rely on MSNBC.
  • The White House Chief Usher said he is sorry Hillary did not win the Presidency, saying "If she and Bill had moved back in, maybe they would have returned the furniture they took with them when they moved out."


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