Current Political Humor

See Pat In Action

Here are a few samples of humor I'm currently using.  This humor gets updated, so bookmark this page and check back frequently.  All humor is based on bad decisions people make.  I never use humor that is based on things people don't choose such as gender, ethnicity, sexuality, mental capacity, physical appearance, etc.

(updated. 4/5/20)
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  • This is Joe Biden's third run for the Presidency.  Nixon ran twice, Hillary ran twice, Dole ran twice, etc.  This proves that the only real cure  for Presidential ambitions is embalming fluid.
  • Think of all the time we wasted  learning how to pronounce and spell Buttigieg.
  • I wonder if Mike Bloomberg is listening to the Beatles song, "Can't buy me love" this morning. 
  • Donald Trump really wants to win Illinois in the November general election, but I don't think the two votes he is going to get from Rod Blagojevich and his wife will put him over the top.
  • Several candidates in the Iowa Caucuses claimed victory stating the "majority of the precincts" have reported in.  That is like the San Francisco 49ers claiming victory after the third quarter of the Super bowl saying, "we are the winner because the majority of quarters are over."
  • It took 8 people to walk the 9 pages of Impeachment papers from the House, across the Capitol to the Senate.  No wonder people feel government is bloated and inefficient. 
  • I was talking with a voter the other day and asked if she voted for Hillary in 2016.  She said, "No, I was afraid if Congress cheated on her, she would look the other way."
  • Hillary Clinton says that "many people" are asking her to run for President again.  However, almost all of them are Republicans
  • If far left Presidential candidates like Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren get elected, the first Executive Order should be to tell the Secretary of Agriculture to plant lots and lots of money trees everywhere.  Those trees will pay for all the free stuff those candidates want to give away
  • I wonder when Congressman Jerry Nadler (D) NY decided to investigate President Trump.  Was it when Trump was elected in 2016 or when the Democrats regained the majority in the House last November?
  • Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is in trouble for appearing in black-face.  Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is in trouble because she pretended to be red-faced.
  • Utah Senator Mitt Romney is the only one who has been elected to public office in every state were he owns a home.
  • Democrats do not want a wall on the border or Voter ID.   Hmmm, is there is a connection?
  • A Latino customer and his family walk into a bookstore and says, "Do you have President Trump's new book about illegal immigration?"  The bookstore owner says,  "You and your people get out and stay out!"  The customer says,  "Yes, that's it, do you have it in paperback?"
  • Indian nations around the country are upset that Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is claiming to being a Native American because she took a DNA test and has 1/1,000% of Native American blood.   Sen. Warren does not care, she is leading the ME SIOUX moment on Captiol Hill.
  • Bob Woodward's book and the anonymous NY Times editorial have "Made Americans Read Again."
  • The Florida legislature has passed a law allowing school teachers to be armed, this includes Librarians.  Since the passage of that law, talking in school libraries has gone down 99%.
  • A woman was escorted out of the CPAC meeting for booing and harassing Donald Trump.  Melanie should really learn to take care of these things at home.
  • Effective 1/1/18, recreational Marijuana is now legal in California.  Previously, only medical Marijuana was available.  It is amazing that on News Years Day, millions of cases of insomnia, nausea and other maladies in California were cured.
  • Hillary Clinton's book is titled, "What happened."  That is the censored version of the title.  
  • Before he married Michelle, Barack Obama proposed to a former girlfriend who turned him down.  She did not think he had a promising future career.  She was correct, right now Obama is in his mid 50s and unemployed guy.
  • All of Donald Trump's wives are immigrants to this country, which proves there are some jobs that Americans simply won't do.
  • One of the 17 Republican candidates running for President was former FL Governor Jeb Bush.  His father was President and his brother was President.  So, Jeb Bush running for President is the Bush family version of no child left behind.
  • It will be a few years before the Barack Obama Library and Museum will be built to celebrate Obama's Presidential achievements.  Until then, we'll have to rely on MSNBC.
  • The White House Chief Usher said he is sorry Hillary did not win the Presidency, saying "If she and Bill had moved back in, maybe they would have returned the furniture they took with them when they moved out."


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Jan Hartman, National Assn. of Insurance and Financial Advisors, PA